Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
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