That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
