I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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