I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
