We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
