Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
Randomize
