3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
Randomize