There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
only if we run a train.
done.
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Randomize
