I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Covered in gravy. Never pour gravy while drinking.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
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