The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
two questions - what stuff of mine was pawned and who has the pawn tickets.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
