I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
It's official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
Oh my fucking god!! There is a barefoot white guy with a fucking ninja sword in the middle of the street next to the pride gas station swinging his sword at peoples cars!! He almost got me. 3 people swerved off the road and stopped. I told a cop.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
