what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I smell stomach acid.
I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
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