Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Randomize
