so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Once he bit me I drew the fucking line.
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