She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
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