are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize
