these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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