I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Is Oprah even human
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
honestly if there were pictures of last night i would be embarrassed.... im embarrassed without pictures
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
Randomize
