He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Randomize
