the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
Randomize
