Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
it was either a cry for help or you were gargling vodka. we didnt care either way.
I literally just wiped coffee off of the corner of my mouth with my boob because my hands were full. Thought youd be proud. Good morning!
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
