yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
