is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
