so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I swam, I rode a bicycle, I rode a horse, I danced. It was like a real life tampon advert.
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