I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
