Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Randomize
