so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I told him that he is like a snow storm I never know when he is coming, how many inches I will get, or how long it will last
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Naked Twister starts at high noon
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
Randomize
