My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I think he was having a seizure but nobody knew because 'what is love' was playing
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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