How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
