Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
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