Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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