is your mom at the bar?
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
Randomize
