when people say theyve been sober for however many years is that like couple beers not drunk sober, or no drinking sober?
it's great music for shaving your balls
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
