I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Having the sex-a-thon in the back yard led to some really odd tan lines.
Like handprints on my lower back...
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
We smell like vodka and hangover
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