Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
