it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I found a fingernail in my vagina. A fingernail.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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