i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Randomize
