awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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