Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
how many americans can say they have been laid before eating their first big mac?
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
Mostly i might never get belligerent again because im gonna have to keep track of a diamond ring.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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