I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
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