I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Getting sheets for college, what is the thread count that shows the least amount of cumstains?
630.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Randomize
