So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
