i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
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