tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
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