we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
Congratulations on your downgrade, shes one hell of a 5
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
