She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
We need a shit load of segways right now
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
