Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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