She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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