is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
The last thing I remember was wearing a sombrero and trying to do cartwheels in the club
You did one successfully. Then smashed into the wall
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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