Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Dude, you sent that text at 9:44 AM. Who thinks of drugs that early?
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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