Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
