i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
