; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
Randomize
