Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
Randomize
