You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
