I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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