chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
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