She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
last night he was wasted watching Entourage and changed everyone in his phone book to LLOYD!!!!
smell my finger.
You asked me to be the big spoon, when you passed out on the stairs
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
