$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize