He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No, I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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