I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize
