her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He pulled out the guitar, sat in tub, and took requests while she puked her brains out in the toilet. I think he loves her.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
