guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
She said we couldnt stop drinking until there were enough bottles to make a fort. so we could have sex in our "bottle castle"
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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