shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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