look no pants
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
my FASA form asked what i spent the majority of my 08 earnings on, im tempted to put "booze, blow, & blunts"
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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