I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm smoking a bowl with matches and a candle while my mother washes dishes downstairs. I thought adulthood was supposed to be different.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
