I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
Randomize
