absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
