you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Oh my god. My pre-date bowl for nerves tuned into "I'm too high for this date" he kept talking about trucks and I couldn't stop making racial slurs.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
