if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
Dignity is for republicans.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
