Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I heard from multiple reliable sources that she doesn't have a gag reflex. Of course I'm going to try to go home with her.
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Randomize
