you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
