"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
