Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize