ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
you would pick up someone in the library
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Pizza delivery...for when you need to eat your feelings for the sex you aren't having
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
Randomize
