Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
