What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Randomize
