I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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