When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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