I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
Randomize
