My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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