One girl and one boy is just not enough.
he wants to bone in the snuggie
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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