Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
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