Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
So last night I kicked a beer can off of a frat guys head and it nailed one of my sisters in the face. Think i'll be brought up on standards?
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Scary. I hope people take me seriously. Maybe I should black out less to be sure
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
