If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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