he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
Randomize