an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
