Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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