Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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