you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
hey can you send me that pic of that dude?...if this isn't Rochelle's phone...can you please find and tell Rochelle to send me that picture of that dude?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize