do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
