i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
Hate to say it and even though I definitely have a biased opinion but I'm surprised your not, sleeping with anyone else. Good personality, charisma and amazing in the sack.
Feel free to use me as a reference.
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
