i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Randomize
