It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Randomize
