Ambien. No doubt about it.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
