My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
