it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
Randomize
