are you so shy because you have an std?
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Randomize
