After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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